I have a very minor surgery coming up that has to do with my CHD. The date for the surgery was set up last week for early November, sooner than I thought it would be.
It's not a new experience for me, this upcoming surgery, but wow does it mess with my mind! Most of the time I don't think that much about my health.
I take my medicine, try to eat right and get some exercise. When I have surgery though it just weighs on me, even more now that I have a young daughter. I can't get the impending surgery out of my mind. I find myself wanting to just watch t.v. all day, to just zone out.
It's also times like this when I feel sooo different from other mom's my age. I went to a very lovely play group the other day, both baby girl and I had a great time. I left feeling emotionally overwhelmed though. I crave mom friends, yet struggle to connect with other mom's. I haven't found my people yet. This surgery makes me feel like its even harder to find other mom's I can connect with.
The thing is I don't know what other people are going through. Who knows if the other moms are struggling with something major and my feel like they have to hide it too.
I am working on getting out of the house for play groups, going to the park and story time so that little miss can be around other kids, but also so I can find my people, because they sure aren't in my living room! I want to do things differently and not let my surgery get in my way, to not let it control my mind or emotions. One day at a time, one moment at a time and letting go of judging myself no matter what I am feeling.
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